I had bought him a new hat because I hated his old one (acquired free at a baseball game). She implied that I had made him feel like I was embarrassed to be seen with him and that I didn't understand how my words and action affect other people. Uh - it was a vile hat, and YES I WAS embarrassed like any normal person should be, and the fashion police should throw me a benefit ball for getting that hat off the streets.

She also objected to my chastising him ("a grown man") for having a third plate at dinner. I've never seen him eat three plates of anything, plus he's skinny, plus he does not have a 57 year old woman's hypersensitive "do I look fat in this?" serial-dieter filter distorting EVERY COMMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING EVER.

Sigh. My mom is not really always like this, she just gets toooo into it sometimes, and I have concluded it is directly correlated to not having enough else to focus on and me being back in town so her access is up. (I am sure upon reflection that the 90210 letter was right after I'd spent a summer at home and let her in on far more than was wise.)

My first draft of a response was telling her she had no right now or ever to comment on my private relationships as a grown woman. But I held back, and she backs down pretty fast. So much that I have no idea where we are at, only that I feel subliminally guilty for doing something, though I am not sure what. But mothers are awesome at that.