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| 2006-02-21 | a little bit of throw-up |
It is ok to miss my old life. It doesn't mean I need to start eyeing the door, moving things out one by one when noone's looking. RIGHT? It was bound to happen. My old life consisted of sleeping, drinking beer, and manipulating boys into bringing over Wendy's. My friend Steven that I never talk to anymore said once that he never considered that I had a job, he just thought of me as this person he saw out all the time, looking good. That was my job. So any job other than that is bound to suu-uck.
Can I mention JUUUST one more time that I've landed the job I always said I wanted and am waiting for joy or a reasonable facsmile to yet return? When I was an intern, before I realized the cruel meaningless of existence, I was SO thrilled everytime I looked at my own goddamn email address and realized where I was. And now I just try to think about retirement or Russell winning the lottery.
I got back in touch with an ex from a long time ago, from when I was 20. So it doesn't really count as a dangerous jealousy-inducing ex. But I have this crazy overwhelming feeling of wanting VALIDATION from him. I want him to like me. I don't know what it would prove. I want us to be close friends again and possibly make out at some point to prove something. Meanwhile he's just shocked that my dad died and I'm getting used to friendship by way of pity.