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| 2006-05-04 | less not normal than before! |
I realized several days ago, that I feel normal. I feel like my old self, and that old self was not perfact or extraordinarily secure or strong or bionic, but I feel like me and I feel like I can decide again.
Like I'm not waiting it out anymore.
I am also toying with going back to Montreal. R moving here looms - we can't to the LD thing much longer, serious. But I can't let him relocate if I'm like 40% convinced I don't want to settle in here too deep.
Like, I'm proud of myself that I persevered and kept my eye on the prize and faked the HELL out of it until I made it, and I'm like one week away from getting a real fucking nameplate instead of a folded-over paper printout on the door, but maybe that impending stability means I can actually make a choice not based on desperation or holding out. I came here, I did it, and I missed my life too much. Maybe that's the story??
I think I have that seasonal disorder and sunshine woke me up.