Today, a weird, bad day at work and I needed an after-work drink. There I was, spilling about rock 'n roll ex to my faithful bud. Trying to figure out what it is I've felt since he left here. I know it's not about him, or wanting to be with him - nuh uh. He REPRESENTS something... My pal said that his shrink told him, simple: figure out what you want, and why you want it.

I started blabbing. Maybe he reminded me of being 20 years old and the endless possibilities. Maybe I liked the simplicity of his coming and leaving, no questions. I know that I saw him on stage and DID feel like I did when I was 20 - I thought: he's so cute. And I finally sorta got it, what he brought back that I missed. It's the chemicals, the way one person does it for you, the way it can't be predicted, rationalized, explained to another. My pal said it, doesn't even barely know that band - what I want and felt is my chemical romance.

It's the cheesiest and the worst. And it's true.